Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize