u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I am puke
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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