Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
