i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
