what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
