So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
