I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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