now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
