ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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