Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
