I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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