Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
