I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Success! We fucked roommates!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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