put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
