Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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