im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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