we have pet lesbian snakes
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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