Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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