Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
