So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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