By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
