im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
two words...techno handjob
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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