we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
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