she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
