gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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