It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
