Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
