i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
