did you get engaged???
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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