So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
