I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
