Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
