guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
