Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize