It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
