wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
