we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
