Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize