Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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