At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
it was like eating out sand paper
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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