Got a toothbrush?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
