the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize