I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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