I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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