We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So here I am, sexting at work.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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