Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
