he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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