I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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