Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
