i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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