Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I need moral support for this bender
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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