haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
