do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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