But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
