I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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