Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
