Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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