One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
