i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
