and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
