haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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