im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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