I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
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