Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
