Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
