So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
