i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
