life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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